We look at our reflection instead of our impact. Recognition and power become a drug and we forget about those that we leave behind. Pride controls us and we don’t repent or even own our mistakes. (WE ALL MAKE THEM.)

On any given day I may have clothes on my laundry room counter waiting for the fairy to fold, food in the fridge that probably needs to be thrown out, and floors that need to be washed- right after they just were.  My kids fight with me and amongst themselves. I fail more than I succeed.

The circumstances weren’t going to change, BUT either was my love for him and he needs to know that. My love isn't conditional. True love leans in, not out.  Even though I have the ultimate authority to make these decisions while he lives under my roof, that does not negate the raw emotions attached to his unmet expectations.

 I step in the proverbial “in it” on the regular.  So badly, in fact, that my husband has said on numerous occasions, to countless people, that he could have never have been president, even if he ever wanted to be, because I would never have made a good first lady.  I’m not offended.  He’s right.

My heart knows the path.  It remembers the peace that I feel when I’m there.  It recalls the memories that have been made in this place and the people that I’ve shared them with.  My olfactory system is lit on fire by the familiarity of the aromas that waft passed me….and in some deep place in my heart I’m home.

As the spigot would be turned on and the pressure would build up the hat would rise and spin around.  The water would spray out of the top of the hat like fireworks.  In our simple minds, it was magnificent.  

He spoiled me with attention (poor dudes who had to follow that).  He held my hand, but also knew when to let it go. In a crowded room his eyes could always make me feel at home.  Like most great loves, friendship should be the anchor, and we were buddies from the beginning.

Black Friday…. Small Business Saturday….Cyber Monday…. I get confused.  I love to personally pick out gifts for each specific person in my life.  Gifts that have meaning.  Gifts that I think will add value to them.  Gifts that will spoil them.  Things or memories that they, personally, will love.  I love to share my favorite things!  If I love something I tell everyone.  I cherish each gift I receive for the thought that is behind it.   I am excited to share some of my most fav's today!  Move over Oprah... I got this.  (Kidding, of course.)
 

In our world we are taught to dream BIG.  “Set GOALS.” “ YOU can do anything.”  I believe these things.  Nothing seems more exciting than to watch big things happen to great people, or even ourselves.  I, personally, achieve my goals, get there, and then I want more. MORE. MORE. MORE.  I strive for the more.  I keep working.  You keep working.  I’m going to get in trouble for this one but….what are we working for?

Life may be like a box of chocolates, like Forrest Gump said, but not knowing what I’m going to get with one chocolate, KNOWING, that ONE is a carmel, is a lot different than all of the chocolates being those nasty cherry covered things… and that’s about what it’s been.

If you had your reasons for divorce or not, or if you ever loved someone or shared a life with them, when that is over that hurt can make it hard to intermingle.  That’s plain human nature.  Likewise, if you are in that new love phase, and even if you recognize that there was an old life before you, when it’s all blended around it can feel messy and hurtful.  We can all relate to some part of that.  Both scenarios are real and raw.  It can be hard, maybe downright impossible, at times, depending on which side of the fence you’re on, to recognize the other sides feelings.  They are both very real and both need to be respected.

She was exotic and beautiful and she smiled at my self-proclaimed stupidly plain, and simple self.  From the very beginning you could tell we were sort of yin and yang.  She would enter a room (granted it was a dorm room) and everyone’s attention would be drawn to her.  She wasn’t demanding the attention, her very nature attracted it.  I, on the other other hand, would enter and sort of shrink down wherever I could (unless Michael Jackson, Man in the Mirror was on and then well my moves took over- but that’s a different story).  Even though our differences were apparent she was completely contagious and I wanted to be more like that.  

I CANNOT accept that our race, religion, creed and/or socioeconomic status HAS to be an indicator of our human behavior. (I’m not daft enough, however, to know that these things don’t play a factor.)  Who we are, what we do, and how we behave begins at HOME, no matter where that home may be.  It extends to those around us, those who take notice of us and who pour into us.  If we want to make this world a better place, a safer place, a kinder place we must stop the rhetoric and get back to teaching simple lessons in fundamental human behavior in our own homes.

No, I don’t think I can dance.  Yes, I KNOW I don’t look good doing it.  I can’t help it… the music starts and I start INVOLUNTARILY (this is what I tell others) MOVING (and in turn I usually give them a good laugh-which actually may be the point).  Watchout if “Baby Got Back” comes on - I know I just dated myself but Oh My Gawd…. I can’t even!

Are you a Disney World line person?  NOPE...  UHN UH.  Not me at all, I’d rather gouge my eyes out with needles. I'm always amazed at the absolute rockstar people and parents who will do Disney on Spring Break or the Summer Break.  (Why do you think I homeschool?  That's not happening. I'm selfish that way!!! - JOKE PEOPLE) I love Disney but I’m an Around the World at Epcot kinda girl.  Not gonna lie some of that might be because there is wine there.  Truthfully I think it's more in line with my gypsy soul that likes culture and countries...but the wine thing has some merit as well.

Watching you hurt on that sidewalk was the most awful pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I hope to not ever feel that pain again because I'm not sure my heart could handle it.  Not being able to help you was the most paralyzingly hopeless feeling I have ever experienced.  I am reminded, daily, when I see the purple scars on your white flesh that God, himself, blessed me with my greatest fairytale.  Twice.  I married you and I got to keep you.

We may not always want to, but we must recognize a persons impact for what it is and look for value in all situations so that we can be better because of them.  We need to own it, take the good, accept the bad, and move on so that our own light can shine.  Whomever that person/people may have been they helped us become us. It matters.

I got my dream.  I got everything I ever wanted and then some...  As the years went on, however, I wanted more.  It almost hurts to say that.  I feel ashamed and embarrassed.  Kind of like hey spoiled brat... you had it all and you wanted more.  WAH WAH WAH... But I did.  I did!! I didn't really know what that meant.  I had no idea what it would look like but I wanted something that was mine.  I was unsettled!!!

As we drove home the other night I was appreciating the fields, the farms, and the silence.   I turned my head and noticed the sun setting in the west... It wasn't quite down so it was casting a perfect glow on the earth underneath it.  The hair on my arms stood straight and I could feel my throat tighten. My mind turned, quickly, to other things.  I wasn't going to get today back and I'm aware of how precious time is.