When I was younger I was embarrased that I wasn't part of a perfect family. As I've gotten older I don't even know what that means but I felt what I felt. So here's the deal...and this concept is really hard for many to grasp... OUR HEARTS ARE HUGE. Think about that for a moment.
At a certain time in my life... I wanted... I hoped... I dreamed that my heart was smaller than it was.. I didn't want to love anyone else. PERIOD. I didn't want to be a part of anything more than my own family. My heart has changed, my beliefs have been modified...somewhat.
I believe in love. I believe in family. I believe in marriage. PERIOD. I also belive that all three of these things are HARD-REALLY HARD. Life happens-and sometimes adults make really tough adult decisions. My parents got divorced when I was youger and it was the most painful thing. Kids can get lost in divorce because it's so commonplace today. As a child of divorce let me tell you- it hurts BADLY! It hurt to know your family was broken because all the others, in your young mind, looked perfect. Children love THEIR parents, both of them- it doesn't feel and shouldn't feel natural to them for these two people that they cherish to not be together. Let me also tell you I had it pretty darn good-I have an amazing family that didn't allow us to get lost. (Yet it still was hard.)
When you are in the middle of deep pain it's hard to imagine blessings can come out of darkness- but they do. To be honest I would argue that I, personally, didn't WANT blessings to come out of it- I wanted to prove them wrong! (Ha, of course I did.) I wanted them to feel my pain- as if they didn't. (DRAMATIC-I KNOW.) I wouldn't wish divorce on any child, but life happens and when it's your reality life must unfortunately go on. It did. I hate to use the word thankful but this is my life- and I'm thankful that it happened because I wouldn't wish away the people that the LORD gave me because of a broken marriage.
What came from my parents divorce (IN TIME) was two families: BLENDED. Although a marriage seperated-the two parts (only larger) came back together and formed a union stronger than their marriage was-a blended family. Looking at my family now, through the eyes as a parent myself, I'm SO proud of them. There were hard feelings- oh were there hard feelings- anytime passion and love is involved in any relationship there will be hard times. The way I see it- I'm actually happy there were hard times- it has made me appreciate that the two people who brought my sister and I into this world, although not meant to be together, had love for one another. The fact that they are both loved and LOVE now, different and better, than what they could have done for each other gives me comfort and joy! The LORD brought this beautiful new family into our lives that I never want to be without-HIS PLAN FOR OUR LIFE was greater than what mine would have been.
One of the biggest lessons I learned from 'The Divorce' (it has it's own title around these parts-kind of likes it's the only one that has ever happened anywhere) was that they put on their big girl pants and big boy pants and personified what being an adult was for all of us kids to see. Novel concept- parents doing their job- placing their childrens feelings above their own for the benefit of their kids. Thank goodess I have examples to model after.
TODAY we ALL celebrate holidays, birthdays and truthfully we've vactioned together. (LIKE NO FORCING GOING ON GUYS-HOW COOL ARE THEY?) My kids don't know the differences between their nana's and their papa's. THEY LOVE THEM ALL- OUR HEARTS ARE HUGE. My younger siblining's look at my mom as family-and she does back at them. LOVE DOES AMAZING THINGS TO OUR HEARTS. We are capable of so much love and forgiveness if we allow ourselves to look for the blessings instead of the heartaches. As I've stated previously, it's all perspective. Choose to live in the past or choose to bathe in the love of the present.
Our hearts really are huge. I'm not embarrassed anymore. In fact, I tell everyone who knew them in a former life (HA) that we are having Thanksgiving with my dad and Gigi and my mom and Mike and all of us (like 8 + 3 grand) kids- it's so FUN to watch them process it! My heart knows no different now. This is my life. We are just a family. A family loving each other, supporting each other, having a BLAST together, and sharing life together. A family that once was broken but now is BLENDED.