I became a mom almost 17 years ago.  One of the best days of my whole life.  Most mom's can relate. The truth is that that was all I ever wanted to be .  Ask any boy I ever dated, or any friend I ever had: I wanted kids.  I talked about furniture and houses.  I couldn't wait to be married.  I wanted that dream wedding.  I never dreamed of myself being anything but a wife and a mom.  (Yes, a sports broadcaster but when I really realized what that would entail I was NOT ABOUT to put in the effort and jeopardize my bigger dream- wife and mom.)  At the time I was under the impression that I couldn't have it all and truthfully I don't regret feeling that way for one second.

For the most part, I got my dream.  I got everything (more like everyone) I ever wanted and then some...  As the years went on, however, I wanted more.  It almost hurts to say that.  I feel ashamed and embarrassed.  Kind of like a spoiled brat... you had it all and you wanted more.  WAH WAH WAH... But I did.  I did!! I didn't really know what that meant.  I had no idea what it would look like but I wanted something that was mine.  I was unsettled!!!  I wanted to contribute and make a difference.  I wanted to have something to talk to adults about.  This may sound bad... but I wanted a voice.  

So many times my husband would come home at night and asked me how my day was or what I did that day.  The monotony of my answer would literally kill me inside.  "Awe you know I folded clothes.  I swept the floor.  I wiped butts....you know good times. "  (YOU GUYS just so you know I LOOOOOOOVED doing all of these things.. well the butt thing does get a little old.  I love being a mom.  I appreciate that I was blessed enough to stay home for all of those years...but.)  The "but" is that I wanted something that I had never wanted in all of my years growing up... I wanted ME.  I wanted to give the world a piece of me. I wanted to show myself, more than anyone else, what I was capable of.  I had dreams and visions that I never realized because I wrapped my entire identity up in other peoples beings.  I wanted what they wanted so that their happiness was realized, not really thinking about if I was happy or not.  I'm not being a martyr here.  I was very happy all of those years...but I was feeling less and less fulfilled and more and more guilty because what I had should have been enough.  My hearts desire was stirring though.

About three years ago I started my business and this fire was ignited inside of me.  I wanted to help people. I wanted to inspire people.  I wanted to dream bigger and work harder. I wanted a platform in which good things could happen.  To be a positive force in the lives of women (and men) was something I was striving to do because in a world of such divisiveness that's not the norm.  I WANTED TO WORK for something that mattered and I wanted to matter more than within my walls.  Even now I still struggle with this because at the end of the day my family is enough... but I can't help what burns in my soul.  It wasn't just Essential Oils that changed my life, although they really have.  It was the people that I have learned from, shared with, and worked so hard with towards building each of our dreams together.  I found a tribe and by finding this tribe I found a big piece of myself.

Here's the beautiful thing.   It wasn't a zero sum game.  I didn't have to pick my work and passion over my family like I once thought. (Well some nights I work way too late or some days way too much...I'm still working on balance.)  I can do both!!!  Some days I do it better than others, for sure, but being that I'm home with them I have the freedom to tweak it as needed! The thing is I think my family see's something in me that they hadn't seen before.  I am passionate about something other than them and that's not a bad thing. I'm capable of a whole lot more than I once thought.  They see me as more than just their mom and wife.  I'm enthusiastic and engaged.  I have more to talk about! (That could be a bad thing- ha!)  I include them in our lifestyle change.  I want their advice and honestly I want them to see me work with all of them to build our dream together.  (My guy and I are partners in life.  He couldn't be MORE supportive, but for years he's worked his tail end off.  I feel like it is my time. I want the kids to see some of that in me too.)  Selfish?  Maybe, but by allowing myself to reach for my dreams and live presently amongst my goals I'm giving EVERYONE a more honest representation of how God created me to be! I'm no longer unsettled I'm focused and having fun fulfilling each of my life's rolls:  Wife. Mom. Ladyboss. Daughter. Sister. Friend. (That's a lot of hats...they each fit differently, but they are all so much of a part of who I am, and I like trying each one on!)

“You will recognize your own path when you come upon it, because you will suddenly have all the energy and imagination you will ever need.”– Jerry Gillies