We all have someone in our life that can not see the sun through the trees (is that a saying? – I typically mess them up). Anyway you get the point. It’s that person who when the phone rings your neck shrinks down a bit and your lip kind of curls- because A. You’ll only hear how bad everything around them is. B. You’ll never hear or feel any joy in their tone. We all have that person- so you know what I’m talking about. How do you feel after that phone call? Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Like next time you may let it go to voicemail?
What if that person was you? I’m not proud of this but I’m certain that that person can be me when I engage my spouse at given times. The kids are being difficult-fighting like crazy animals, the dog peed on the floor, there are bills to pay, school to get ready, oil questions to field and he calls and says “How’s your day going?” BLAST OFF… I go into nuclear mode….On the other end of the receiver he must be thinking he called the Funny Farm-he did-Occupancy 1-ME!
In my opinion complaining is a habit- not a trait. I don’t believe that people are born complainers. In fact, I think it's a used mechanism by someone to create camaraderie, companionship or sympathy- a huge struggle for me regarding the complainers in my life. Like the song says WAIT A MINUTE.. Fill My Cup… oh wait it’s not that time yet.. I know that this is commonplace these days BUT, wait a minute- you don’t need negative feedback to fit in. I’m getting OLDER (way older than I feel) but even amongst people my age and older (shocking) I find that they find companionship in denouncing their spouse. I don't even think they believe what they are saying- they just buy into this perceived notion that if you tear one down you build another up. This is a sad state of affairs. If your friends relate to you because you complain- reevaluate your friends. (I AM NOT stating you can’t be REAL or have a confidant but if you are relying on negativity about your mate to relate to your people- they may not be your people- just saying.)
The mere fact that we had a ceremony and we possess a certificate that says we are married does not give us license to act any way we wish with no push back. Life get’s messy. Each one of us has responsibilities that seem bigger than us. This seemingly chaotic life-my life, your life- that looks good on Facebook or to our friends causes us-at times- to unleash on the one person that we should be celebrating. They are navigating these murky waters with us!! What the heck are we doing wasting our time- their time- complaining about….LIFE?? OUR LIFE TOGETHER.
This complain train can be derailed with Date Night! By fueling our relationship with purpose and intention we immediately change our hearts. This, according to moi, is directly related to how our heads react to the stresses of everyday life. If you are feeding your relationship with meaningful conversation, laughter, compassion, passion, time and physical touch you are creating a sanctuary of 2 (my argument would be 3 but we'll talk about that later) separated from the rest of this crazy world. You’ve built a proverbial bubble that may (let’s be honest) get distorted at times, but will never pop because you are fortifying and fertilizing the nucleus of this sacred relationship- each other!!