Are you a Disney World line person? NOPE... UHN UH. Not me at all. I’d rather gouge my eyes out with needles. I'm always amazed at the absolute rockstar people and parents who will do Disney on Spring Break or the Summer Break. (Why do you think I homeschool? That's not happening. I'm selfish that way!!! - JOKE PEOPLE) I love Disney but I’m an Around the World at Epcot kinda girl. Not gonna lie some of that might be because there is wine there. Truthfully I think it's more in line with my gypsy soul that likes culture and countries...but the wine thing has some merit as well. I think I scored in the kid department because they feel the same way (not about the wine) and prefer Epcot too. Back to the lines... I feel absolutely drained by crowds. The thought literally makes my skin crawl, and my normally non-grouchy self can get a bit snippy. The idea of going back to my space, shutting the door and waiting until they all go away (which never happens in that situation) is quite appealing.
I have several friends that want to be with people all of the time. Truthfully MOST OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS! They get energy and excitement from large groups of people. They feel fueled by constant interaction and connection. Parties are their life juice. THAT. IS. SO. NOT. ME. Quiet dinners=my heaven on earth. The irony of this is that I’m an Event Planner by trade (a former life). I LUUUUURVE to plan a killer party and by many accounts I’m pretty darn good at it. The IDEA and implementation of the party is truly invigorating!
I love the details. (A major fault of mine: I LOVE TO spend time and money on bringing people together and setting the ‘stage.’) Decorating and getting creative.... my jam. I get excited by putting a perfect menu together and pairing wine (that lights me on fire), or planning an event. I used to anticipate a party that I was throwing or an event I had planned like Christmas morning. Complete with butterflies, I need extra deodorant for days leading up to these things because the sweat was flowing, even if I was hosting it at my house. I want it to feel perfect for everyone in attendance. Each person MUST feel like they are special. It's a requirement. Watching people smile and deepen their relationships with each other gives me goosebumps and feels like I'm fulfilling a piece of my purpose on earth.
Confession time: I'm a closet introvert!!!!! Once a party starts I feel comfortable watching others form relationships and bonds. I don’t prefer being a part of it. I usually stand back or busy myself. Small talk, is NOT my thing. I can do it, it's very difficult for me, however. If you were to observe me I may appear that I'm a fan of big groups...most of the time this just isn't the case. Don't get me wrong I can have an absolute blast, be completely inspired and come off of a big party or event with absolutely positive feelings... I've just always been recharged and renewed by quiet relationships and deep conversation.
Next Confession: I'm actually a really private person. Like to a fault private. I'M NOT KIDDING! The last few years have required an inordinate amount of conviction and bathing in a deep place of fear in order to 'put myself out there' (whatever the heck that even means anyway). Seriously though, I think for most of my life my privacy kept me from wanting too many people to really know who I was, and what I was thinking. I was scared to death of what they may think of me.
I love a couch, a cup or coffee or a bottle of wine, and a friend or two. (There isn't a magic number- a small group- you get the picture.) I need time with my small group of people or I don't function properlly. I begin to feel depleted and disconnected from who I am. These are the people that complete me in a very Jerry MaGuire kind of way. I find value in relationships that I can pour into and that breathe life into the world around us.
Here's the catch...all of these things are true but I'm finding that the more I stretch my own boundaries the more I discover myself, and see this fascinating world on a much grander scale. The most captivating of which, the people within it. Why hide, right? I have started to discover that in my core I am the same, but my passions and what lights the flame are swelling. I am finding that I can find pockets within groups and I can pour myself into them, which gives me abundant joy. I will always require my intimate relationships with my small few. They have accepted the conditions of this relationship (but seriously they have- kidding). That's absolutely a part of who I am, but I am opening my personal doors to this crowded world, because within the crowd are a plethora of captivating people that may want to share a couch and a glass of wine with me.