A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people that refuse to give up on each other. Author Unknown.
With our 17th wedding anniversary waiting ever so patiently in the wings- I've been thinking a lot about life. It has been far from perfect yet perfectly ours. Much of the time I don't know where I begin and where he ends. That's the funny thing about marriage- you intertwine with another human in such a delicate way that although we have two hearts, two brains etc... you truly do become one imperfect creation together.
We may be functioning, living creatures that EXISTS on our own, but our goals and are passions, our hurts and failures have been meshed so closely that to choose who's him and who's me would be impossible. There are no two other people on this earth that love our children like he and I do. Although they certainly are not why we fell in love (I mean him chasing me for a year really helped out with that) they are our shared joy and the reasons we wake up in the morning.
When we started out there were stars and fireworks everywhere (or cockroaches and stinky alleyways behind fraternities) everything seemed exciting and all that mattered was each other. The ring came, the jobs came, the wedding and baby #1 came- and still this blissful existence, although more centered around reality (and not when to go to Willy's) fit loosely into the Fairy Tale that my mind created.
We added more babies and more life stress-things got complicated- and the Fairy Tale that my mind created changed. Did you notice I didn't say it didn't exist? It just changed. I think we as people get so hung up on what we think things need to look like and what we feel our life should be we forget to hold on and bathe ourselves in the presently perfect moments we are in. BE STILL.
I know that it's hard to not feel like life should be some sort of perfect Fairy Tale- built on abundant love, wealth beyond all imagination and grape vines surrounding you (sorry that was just my Fairy Tale-ha)- The true Fairy Tale lies in the unruly and sticky parts of life. The realness of life is the Fairy Tale- when you go to sleep and wake up to that commitment that is unwavering no matter what your heated discussion was about the night before. The Fairy Tale is communicating and showing grace in the tough moments because at the end of the day that marriage is going to survive whatever this fallen world throws at you. The Fairy Tale is KNOWING that you are as imperfect as that person laying next to you-and being grateful that they can love you in all your flaws.
A few years ago I had a friend that lost her husband- I think about her OFTEN- what she wouldn't give to have the toilet seat up, the underwear on the floor, the yard not mowed on her schedule, the grouchy comment, being 20 minutes late for dinner or whatever. We all have our 'stuff' that drives us crazy- I KNOW she would take the crazy back in a heartbeat. Her story reminds me that even in tough times you must recognize your own imperfections and love them for theirs- because this life is short!!
Life is messy and busy and real. It's also exciting and beautiful and FUN!! Having someone to share it with, whether it be a spouse or really great friend or BOTH is one of GODS GREATEST GIFTS- LOVING RELATIONSHIPS. On this our Anniversary (almost) I celebrate my sloppy and disheveled Fairy Tale that reminds me not to take life too seriously and enjoy the beautiful moments between the chaotic margins! Once again date night is a great way to absorb the messiness in life and restore the fireworks and stars (or cockroaches and stinky alleyways- whatever your thing is- it's YOUR FAIRY TALE.)