Good

Definition of "GOOD"- that which is morally right; righteousness.

I was walking into Target the other day with all three of my children.  (If you are a parent of little ones-it will happen sooner than you think.)  These three kids are so different.  The way they look at life, the way they dress, and the way they behave, reflect this daily.   They were negotiating (I'm being kind in my description) with me about how good  they were so they deserved this, that and the other thing inside.  Let me just say this and it won't sound 'good' or kind:  I know I should appreciate these moments but to be honest going to Target with three kids is a form of torture I don't enjoy MUCH AT ALL.  Whew- at least I'm honest about it.

ALL THREE SO DIFFERENT

Anyway my oldest son said something to the effect "Mom, we're good kids.  We love Jesus. We don't do drugs and we don't do other bad stuff that kids our age do.  Don't you think we deserve something?"  (He wasn't trying to manipulate me-had one of the others said it-probably- this is just how he thinks.)

My response in my head "Thank you Lord that they are good kids."

My response out loud "I'm not going to buy you anything for doing what you should do. You will not get things because you are doing what is expected.  That's your job."  

He got me thinking. (Not about buying him video games as he wished.)  

Don't get me wrong, our kids are handsomly rewarded ALL THE TIME, for just being themselves but his statement made me wonder: What is good? Is 'Good' different for each kid? For each person?  He just named things that they all were and weren't doing that in his head (and mine, actually) made him good but would this be someone else's good?  I'm not pretending that I'm some crazy philospher all of a sudden but I'm constantly checking my own actions with my core beliefs.

Quite a few years ago I voiced this question/thought to someone I really respect.  She was of authority and had the right to speak to me on how being good wasn't necessarily what we were called to do.  In the context in which we were speaking-discussing salvation-she was absolutely right.  Although she meant this principal to set me free in my own life- she messed me up.  I wasn't ready for it at the time.  Just as people who make unorthodox choices need comfort in knowing that they are ok, so do those that make orthodox choices.  Society has given way to making wrong right and right wrong... maybe neither are right or wrong- I'll loosely give you that- but you can't call my right wrong and your right right if nothing is right and nothing is wrong. I just managed to confuse you and me.

To the core of me I want to do right and I have misguidedly held those around me to those same standards.  MY STANDARDS.  I have often used the phrase "I don't expect anything from you that I don't require of me."  My poor kids.  My mom is secretly cringing-I got my nose pierced-because I gave up thinking I was good if I didn't a year ago- so that makes it ok for my daughter-uh oh.   Question- does the fact that I used to think it was NOT 'good' for my kids to see me with a nose ring (Hoodlum- I just dated myself) but now I do make getting a nose ring good or bad?

The reason I find myself thinking about the idea of 'being good' so much is because in my tight little suburb (ish) Christian environment I have felt that 'not being good'  or not 'doing right' is excused under the guise that Jesus died for our sins.  We are all sinners- I get it.  Without getting into a theological argument- I'll lose anyway- I affirm that Jesus died for our sins.  ABSOLUTELY.  I also know that if you know JESUS then he changes your heart and doing good and being good becomes your mission because you want to GLORIFY HIM.  BUT....WHAT IS GOOD?  

There are some definite BAD things...Killing, stealing, abusing and the list goes on.  Those are all OBVIOUS BAD things.  What is good?  I believe loving, helping, nurturing, giving, glorifying, listening and learning are all GOOD things.  Those are my good things.

I go back to the nose ring.  Is it good or bad?  I think it's good- for me.  You may not agree with  them- for you.  Do you see what I'm saying?  What about tattoo's?  I know many people personally that if they see somone with a sleeve (I'm cool because I know the lingo right?) they immediately judge them as a druggie or looser.  They are bad in some minds.  One of the kindest people I've ever met has a huge tatoo of her grandma on her shoulder.  She is no druggie or looser.  She is pure GOODNESS.  Do you see how our minds create good and bad based on beliefs that aren't even anchored in TRUTH.

I've lived my whole life believing in concrete things- things that I belive are GOOD.  I have also spent my life believing in simple things-that I believe are GOOD. (I would put a nose ring and tattoo in the category of simple things.) Truthfully for much of my life I believed that if the proverbial our 'GOODS' weren't the same then your 'GOOD' was BAD.  I'm sorry for that.   My good and your good look different.  I'm sure of it.  In my circles we talk about 'gifts.' My husband and I have been told that one of our 'gifts' is giving, but our friends 'gift' is not giving.  Does that make us "GOOD" but not him?  I don't think so.  His GOOD is so different than ours but so perfect to who he was created to be.

As their mother I see profound differences in my three kids but I see them all as GOOD.  Each one feels different things and expresses themselves to others so differently.  As community, as friends, as family, and as people we must all recognize that we are all doing the best we can do most of the time- and that is GOOD.  My Authorative Friend didn't set me free all those years back because I was imposing my expectations on what being GOOD was- based on my beliefs- on every relationship that I had.  MY GOOD was the only GOOD- in my mind.  I have matured (I hope) in my thinking enough to KNOW that I still do believe in my GOOD but that doesn't make your good bad.  Our beliefs are just different.

Going back to my kids (because in my world everything goes back to my babies) they are all going make some bad choices. It's a given.  They are going to be different from one another.    They are going to do things that I don't believe are good.  I did, do and will.  The thing is that if it's good it's not hurting anyone else.  Even though the definition states "that which is morally right,"-everyones definition and determination of 'right' is different.  My dad can not figure out why I put a hole in my perfectly good nose (he doesn't think it's right)- or why my hair is short- but he still loves me. GRACE.  Even when they don't make the wise choices that I wish they would, I see the good in my children.  At the end of the day we must all show each other love, respect, grace and forgiveness for our shortcomings because I really believe that we are all working on our own good-even if it's not the good that we believe in our core-we can still open our eyes and hearts to HIS people.  This must start with me and my trips to target with my crazies.  OH HEAVEN HELP ME BE GOOD.

Because I Read

Awhile back I was asked, by a reader (my mom- totally kidding), to give a list of books that I just love. I love to read but I didn't want to do it because I thought I would leave something out (you know the book might feel bad or something-I'm balanced) and I didn't want people to judge my choices.  After reading a book that added value to my life (always looking for those)- I decided that a list of books was worth me being vulnerable.  Before I get started I want to state that of course I LOVE my Bible but it's not just a book for me- it's the way I live- so let's not get mad that it's not listed. I'm not a book critic so I'm not going to summarize these books- I'll give you a quick caption into why I like them.  I am filled up because I read.  It makes my heart happy and helps to keep my mind busy- which for me is a good thing!

MY TOP TWENTY BOOKS (not in any in particular order)

1.  The Outlander Series, by Diana Gabaldon  I dream in kilts now- just saying'....OH WOW- this series is a WELL worth it commitment.  THIS LOVE STORY ROCKS MY WORLD.  After the historical data in the first book that some think can be tedious-THEY are AMAZING!!  Ok so there is romance, sex, historical fiction and some time travel- I mean seriously though they were a completely guilty, yet wonderful pleasure.

2.  Into the Wilderness Series , by Sara Donati  After I finished book seven of The Outlander Series I was pretty sad (while waiting for 8).  My friend Lindsay told me about this series, Into the Wilderness.  I LOVED them.  Now, they weren't my fav's like The Outlander Series, but I love  the era.  I love the primitive life style.  The love story was beautiful and they really captured my heart.

3.  For the Love, by Jen Hatmaker  She is seriously funny, authentically real, and adoringly open.  Every mom and women should read this book.  She tells us what we all want to hear.... we are doing ok... and ok is great.  

4.  Loving Frank , by Nancy Horan OH MAN- I love reading stories about people that I want to know more about.  Coming from an area with Frank Lloyd Wright's architectural masterpieces' and influence- I was intrigued by this book.  It did not disappoint. This love affair was absolutely unsettling in that it disregarded their marriage vows.  I was captivated throughout.  The ending was shocking.

5.  Sarah's Key- by Tatiana de Rosnay Get your tissue.  This book is set in WWII- which I'm completely intrigued with. I was unaware of the vast round ups that took place in France.  This story absorbed my attention with the different story lines.  Quick read-captivating story. 

6.  A Severe Mercy, by Sheldon Vanauken- Best non fictional love story I've ever read. (Thank you Emily.)  This search for faith, friendship and love is just beautiful.  I've never read anything like it and it certainly imprinted on me.

7.  A Separate Piece, John Knowles  One of my all time favorite classic stories.  Again set in WWII era- their adolescence was robbing them of their innocence. This story made an impression on the younger me.

8.  Love in the Time of Cholera, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez Was recommend to me by someone I so respect.  Had a hard time 'getting into' the story but once I did it was one of my favorites!!  This story was about young loves who went their separate ways, had their separate lives and found their way back to each other.  Love this story so much!

9.  The Paris Wife, by Paula McLain This is the story of Ernest Hemingway and his wife Hadley.  I was captivated by Paris in 1920, but more so this love that was so beautiful yet so ugly.  As in Loving Frank, I was mesmerized by how a person with such creative genius could have such a messy personal life.       

10.  Son of Hamas , by Mosab Hassan Yousef  This book captured me from the beginning.  Yousef grew up with an insiders view of the terrorist group Hamas.  His story connected dots that I wasn't connecting from watching the news and it provided me insights into the trials that are going on not only on the larger scale but within families in the middle east.  His story is heroic and mind blowing.

11.  Velvet Elvis , by Rob Bell.  This book, at the time that I read it, provided me with a refreshing way to look at my faith.  He felt more realistic to me than what I was otherwise exposed to.  He challenges us to express our doubts, concerns and our fears about faith.  I LOVED it and felt freed by it. 

12.  The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown  I totally pushed back on Dan Brown's books UNTIL I read this one!!  OH my goodness.  I devoured it.  I totally appreciated the Masonic history and the fact that the setting was in our own Capital.  

13.  The Shack , by Paul Young  First of all this book is fiction.  The reason I liked it so much was that God is represented in different ways.  In one way, in particular, God is represented as a big warm black woman.  Here's the reason I liked it.  I understand it's not legalistic and that it's not biblical- BUT some humans, with human brains, have a really hard time thinking of God as their father- especially if they've had a bad relationship with their earthly father.  The symbolism in this book was relatable.  For that reason, and many others, I thought it was a really good read!!

14.  Tribes, by Seth Godin It's in all of our nature to want to belong.  Godin inspires and ignites a passion in his reader to want to lead a tribe.  We are born for greatness and we can all lead- we choose to do it.  Inspirational and relatable!

15.  Do Over, Jon Acuff  THIS IS MY JAM.  Acuff rocks my world.  He is refreshing and honest, real and raw.  I love his humor and I relate to his passion.  We all have inner passion and desire. Most of us have sold out or given up- but we don't have to any longer!!  We don't need to be stuck doing the mundane- we can capture our hearts desire and create brilliance!  BEST BUSINESS BOOK I've read in a LONG time!

16.  Me Before You and  After You, by Jojo Moyes  Again, get your tissue and prepare to be engrossed in this storyline.  Sure it brings up some moral and ethical issues but oh man is it good.  I found myself thinking about it for DAYS after I had finished Me Before You.  After You kept my attention as well.  I did the ugly cry.  

17.  Cold Tangerines, by Shauna Neiquist  I LOVE THIS BOOK.  It's about seeing God and Greatness in the little things in life.  It gives comfort and peace to the mom trying to do it all- cause we aren't.  It gives us hope and redemption in our lives.  I devoured this book!

18.  Kisses from Katie-A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption, Katie Davis I LOVE THIS STORY.  I have to be honest her story made me check myself in many ways but mostly because I knew I could do better.  At eighteen she gave up a great life in Nashville to become the adopted mother of thirteen girls in Uganda.  She went alone.  Through Gods mercy and love she gained so much more than she gave up but her story challenges each of us to follow our calling.

19.  The Nazi Officers Wife- How One Jewish Woman Survived the Holocaust, by Edith H. Beer She was a strong woman in Vienna when the Gestapo forced her into a camp. She went underground and became a different woman all together.  This is a story of heartache, survival and triumph.  

20.  Orphan Train, by Christina Baker Kline  This was part of American history that I never learned about- or slept through. (Entirely possible.)  It sent pangs of sadness and guilt through me as I read but I wanted to learn more.  Immigrant children were sent on trains from New York, to the midwest, if they had lost their families or had no families.  Said trains would stop in different town and by luck or chance a family may take a child or not.  The train would continue on its path- people choosing children like candy.  This story highlights resiliency and how friendship can help protect the human spirit.

I'm sure I could have added several more books to the mix.  These are just a few that stood out.   I have often said I'm a better me when I read.  Even if it's just 5 minutes a day, it calms my spirit and adds value to my life- or a kilt to my imagination- which is NOT a bad thing- trust me!

"The more you read the more things you know.  The more you learn the more places you will go."  Dr Seuss

Chicago-By Day

I get asked a lot about where my guy and I go to eat when we hit Chicago.    There is something about walking on a brisk day in this beautiful city, wind blowing (it's always blowing), breeze in your hair (if only I had some) and his hand in mine!!  We talked the other day about how the fall brings with it something so romantic and fresh- even though everything is dying.  Grabbing a great lunch and possible cocktail really add to the sweet aura of the season!  We really do like to mix it up a ton but I thought I would share some of our favorites!!

Our Favorites- Not in any special order

1. Nico Osteria 1015 N Rush Street, Chicago, Illinois 60611  312.994.7100.  We Love this place for an upscale- but approachable- brunch feel.  They have fantastic oysters.  YOU MUST TRY.  Their mignonette sauce is one of my favs!!!  Although it may be hard to imagine oysters and then Spaghetti Carbonara- but holy goodness it's good!!  It has bacon, egg yolk with the perfect balance of mojama (tuna).  It is so spectacular!!

Nico Osteria

2.  Little Goat  820 W Randolph St. Chicago, IL 60607  •  312 888 3455 This place is straight up fun, funky and it reminds us of Europe.  Holy cows alive even if you are coming for breakfast you HAVE to try their fried onions and pickles!  They come with ranch and a curry aioli. TO DIE FOR!! I am very well aware that my breakfast habits are not traditional but next stop is the chili- You don't want to miss it!  They have this pizza poofs in there that totally add something fun!  I'm personally in love with their Fish Tostadas with crisp whitefish, shallot aioli,chickpeas and onion salad.  GET IN MY MOUTH.  So good!

3.  Wishbone 1001 W. Washington, 312.850.2663  Located in the west loop this southern style delight is just a down home, fun place to go!!  I love me some crawfish cakes and crab cakes- and this is the place to come.  Throw in some cheddar grits and boy oh boy you've got something there!!  There is no place like Wishbone to have a yummy southern home cooked meal!!!  Not to mention the people are so sweet and friendly.  Get there!

4.  Luxbar 18 E. Bellevue, Chicago, IL 60611, 312 642 3400 This place is great when we wake up in the city on a Saturday morning and we are looking for a yummy breakfast that won't take too long!!  Again going with the unconventional- their Tuna Tartare is delicious!  It's got a slight kick and we love it! (It's usually my breakfast.)  My guy really likes their Classic Benedict.  They didn't reinvent the wheel here-but it's always great!

5.  Carnivale Chicago702 W Fulton St, Chicago, IL 60661 (312) 850-5005  The vibe in this place is just fun.  You could be standing waiting for your reservation and your feet start moving to the music.  (I'm dancing again.)  Their ceviche's are amazing.  They are so fresh and delicious!! The calamari is a must!! It has Green papaya, carrots, malanga, cilantro, smoked hazelnuts, sweet and sour adobo that just jumps in your mouth.  Spectacular!  Want something fun?  Try their Organic Cotton Candy with house made Carmel Corn.  I felt like a young kid in love!

I have already featured a few other places that I would ABSOLUTELY go by day as well:  The Hampton Social and Au Cheval for sure!!!  

For my guy and I dating during the day is a lot of fun and a must!! There are so many choices and it tends to be cheaper.  Any time we can spend time together enjoying new food and great places is a win.  These places are fun and will definitely leave you with something good to talk about.  Day dates are where it's at!

Goodbyes

My mom ruined me.  (Sorry Mom but you did.)  I'm damaged and broken.  I fall apart and loose my (BLEEP).... when I have to say 'goodbye'.  As the story goes, when I was about 2- my grandparents moved from our hometown to Florida.  You know they had to go where peeps go to feel young again.  My mom was, understandably, devastated.  She sobbed and I, at 2, comforted her.  Apparently I rubbed her back and told her it would be ok.  

That did it.  I HATE (I'm not supposed to use that word but I do) GOODBYES.  From that moment on "Goodbyes" transform my normally calm self into a freak show with heavy tears, uncontrollable shaking and a lot of lip biting.  It's involuntary- it just happens.  Sometimes I even try to smile through it so that it doesn't happen...makes it worse!  On the flip side, many people that I know take it in stride.  A pat on the back, shake of the hand, a one armed hug.  It's all good (while I rock back in forth in the corner.)  

In this life we have an abundance of goodbyes.  Each day presents itself with a plethora of opportunities for new goodbyes.  Husband goes off to work, kids go off to school, friend comes for coffee and leaves.. and the list goes on.  (I typically do these goodbyes with out gyrating- so that's good.) These goodbye’s we rarely think about.

Then there are the REAL ONES.  The ones that cut.  The ones that count.  The ones that bring the kind of finality that our human minds and hearts don’t want to experience.  These goodbyes are so incredibly painful.  Being separated from the physical presence of someone you love is suffocating.  With physical presence comes a perceived security. Humans like to feel secure.  The removal of this presence causes pain and uncertainty. Absence leaves a gaping hole that is yearning to be filled. 

When I lost my grandpa a few years back a few of my family members, including me, spoke at his funeral.  They walked up to the altar with poise and confidence and did beautifully.  Me, not so much.  I fell apart.  I was shaking and squeaking incommunicably.  (Thanks mom- I kid.)  Their composure and my break down were not direct correlations to what that amazing man meant in each our lives, or our love of him- we just all handled it differently.

Here's the problem: The way each of us deals with things is individual to our being.  One complication with loss is that because of the fact that we all deal with it so differently it can create more loss if each person experiencing it isn't allowed to deal with it in their own way.  Bitterness and misunderstanding can rear their ugly heads between the living.  Dealing with pain manifests itself in each person so differently.  There is no love scale-o-meter that exists to determine which way of dealing with loss is indicative to how much you loved them. You all loved them. Period.  Trying to recognize other people’s way of dealing can also give you a glimpse into their grief as well.  That is a bond that needs to be formed or you risk irreversible damage in your living relationship.

The immensely gapping hole that is left when our loves leave this world, in my experience, can't be filled. I don't even try because each person has his or her own special place in my enormous heart.  I create new hills from which others can slide down, but I don’t try to fill the hole that is left with anything but the memories of the one I lost. 

Although I’m filled with the certainty of heaven and promise of forever-I still do goodbye’s horribly. .  I KNOW THAT I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN and that does give my small human mind great comfort.  The pain that I felt was the beginning of my healing.  That hole that once was gaping is filled with the memories of beaches, and ground up meat and pickle sandwiches, Old Milwaukee, being thrown in the pool, and lots of laughter.  As life tends to do it came full circle… I received comfort from my kids patting me on the back telling me it would be ok.  I also know that no matter how tough goodbyes are for me, I am blessed to be able to say goodbye because that means that I was also able to say Hello.

BLENDED

When I was younger I was embarrased that I wasn't part of a perfect family.  As I've gotten older I don't even know what that means but I felt what I felt.  So here's the deal...and this concept is really hard for many to grasp... OUR HEARTS ARE HUGE.  Think about that for a moment.

At a certain time in my life... I wanted... I hoped... I dreamed that my heart was smaller than it was.. I didn't want to love anyone else.  PERIOD.  I didn't want to be a part of anything more  than my own family.  My heart has changed, my beliefs have been modified...somewhat.

I believe in love.  I believe in family. I believe in marriage. PERIOD.  I also belive that all three of these things are HARD-REALLY HARD.  Life happens-and sometimes adults make really tough adult decisions.  My parents got divorced when I was youger and it was the most painful thing.  Kids can get lost in divorce because it's so commonplace today.  As a child of divorce let me tell you- it hurts BADLY!  It hurt to know your family was broken because all the others, in your young mind, looked perfect.  Children love THEIR parents, both of them- it doesn't feel and shouldn't feel natural to them for these two people that they cherish to not be together.  Let me also tell you I had it pretty darn good-I have an amazing family that didn't allow us to get lost. (Yet it still was hard.)

When you are in the middle of deep pain it's hard to imagine blessings can come out of darkness- but they do.  To be honest I would argue that I, personally, didn't WANT blessings to come out of it- I wanted to prove them wrong! (Ha, of course I did.)  I wanted them to feel my pain- as if they didn't.  (DRAMATIC-I KNOW.)   I wouldn't wish divorce on any child, but life happens and when it's your reality life must unfortunately go on.  It did.  I hate to use the word thankful but this is my life- and I'm thankful that it happened because I wouldn't wish away the people that the LORD gave me because of a broken marriage.

What came from my parents divorce (IN TIME) was two families: BLENDED.  Although a marriage seperated-the two parts (only larger) came back together and formed a union stronger than their marriage was-a blended family.  Looking at my family now, through the eyes as a parent myself, I'm SO proud of them.  There were hard feelings- oh were there hard feelings- anytime passion and love is involved in any relationship there will be hard times.  The way I see it- I'm actually happy there were hard times- it has made me appreciate that the two people who brought my sister and I into this world, although not meant to be together, had love for one another.  The fact that they are both loved and LOVE now, different and better, than what they could have done for each other gives me comfort and joy!  The LORD brought this beautiful new family into our lives that I never want to be without-HIS PLAN FOR OUR LIFE was greater than what mine would have been.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from 'The Divorce' (it has it's own title around these parts-kind of likes it's the only one that has ever happened anywhere) was that they put on their big girl pants and big boy pants and personified what being an adult was for all of us kids to see.  Novel concept- parents doing their job- placing their childrens feelings above their own for the benefit of their kids.  Thank goodess I have examples to model after.

TODAY we ALL celebrate holidays, birthdays and truthfully we've vactioned together. (LIKE NO FORCING GOING ON GUYS-HOW COOL ARE THEY?)  My kids don't know the differences between their nana's and their papa's.  THEY LOVE THEM ALL- OUR HEARTS ARE HUGE.  My younger siblining's look at my mom as family-and she does back at them. LOVE DOES AMAZING THINGS TO OUR HEARTS.  We are capable of so much love and forgiveness if we allow ourselves to look for the blessings instead of the heartaches.  As I've stated previously, it's all perspective.  Choose to live in the past or choose to bathe in the love of the present. 

We had an ugly sweater Christmas Party

Our hearts really are huge.  I'm not embarrassed anymore.  In fact, I tell everyone who knew them in a former life (HA) that we are having Thanksgiving with my dad and Gigi and my mom and Mike and all of us (like 8 + 3 grand)  kids- it's so FUN to watch them process it!  My heart knows no different now.  This is my life. We are just a family. A family loving each other, supporting each other, having a BLAST together, and sharing life together.  A family that once was broken but now is BLENDED.  

Praise

I love to smile, giggle, be silly, and I'm fueled by positive people.  I'm the one when any kind of music comes on that the movement starts with the toes (it's involuntary I swear) and ends up with gyrations that are unrecognizable (worse than Elaine in Seinfeld).   I can't help it- I love to feel free- and I can't dance but I have fun doing it!  I have felt self conscience a time or two and I know people have judged me but it's me being me and I seriously can't help it.  I love to be happy.  

I'm certain that all people love to be praised and feel 'seen' but are not necessarily inspired by happy land. (At least that's what they think.)  It takes all kinds right?  Well this week I laid into my kids.  THEY NEEDED IT.  (I wasn't being positive and I'm not really sure I cared whether they were being seen.) Living in a home with two teenagers is like poking knives in your eyes on purpose.  I never, ever, know what I'm going to get... One minute they are wanting hugs and smiling and then next minute someone is crying and hates the world.  Me dancing around the house singing 'Give God Your Glory, Glory, Children of the Lord," rarely helps- the ten year old occasionally laughs.  I digress (I do that a lot)- what I was saying is that I flat out told them that they were going to use their mouths for good- I wouldn't tolerate negativity- it's a habit.  I think of other adults in my life that sound like them and it frightens me that they will never outgrow this teenage disease thing.  

FAIRYTALE LAND

I've been told a time or two that I live in a fairy tale land and that people can't live feeling that positive...I disagree.  (Of course I do!)  Being happy is a choice- not always a feeling.  There have been times in my life that everything is crumbling around me and yet I felt filled with joy- because I refuse to feel any other way.  (I'm not a magic unicorn and I do get down- but it usually lasts a day and NEVER does any good.)  This is what I was trying to tell (loudly) my spawn-life is about choices and you can choose to see the crud around you or you can see the abundant beauty.  We can choose to use our mouths to build up or to tear down.  When simply stated like that I don't want to tear anything or anyone down-including me.  An amazing friend of mine said, "Thank goodness God guards the gates of my mouth," AMEN SISTA!

We as people are great at finding our flaws.  The danger in this is that when we magnify our own flaws we find them in everyone around us.  Misery loves company.  It's in our nature to try to relate to people even if it's by doing so in a destructive manner.  THIS IS SAD.  We are all humans-one race-one kind.  Guess what?   We all have flaws and NONE of us are perfect. SHOCKER.  I KNOW that PRAISE can fuel us more than criticism!  

I need to know that my tribe is using their hearts and mouths to build up and glorify those around them. (We are a work in progress.) When they spread their wings they need to leave this home knowing that who they are and how they feel don't have to be directly related to circumstances and certainly not to others.  I pray that they know that praising themselves and those around them (everyone) will always be more fruitful than the alternative.  It's a reflection of ourselves if we are continuously critical of others-and people see it.

We all have people in our lives that only see the clouds.  There is a beautiful sun chilling out above those clouds that they fail to see! LOOK FOR IT! They lack passion and enthusiasm for almost everything, especially if it may be giving someone else praise.  These people are habitually critical of themselves and EVERYONE around them- and they don't have to be.  I believe they live their lives scared of being happy because then they think they wouldn't have anything to talk about if they were.  Misery, in their head, makes for great conversation.  FLAG RAISING TIME!

Remember the movie Monsters, Inc- best Disney Pixar Movie ever! (I'm not opinionated or anything-HA.)  In that movie Sulley, the main monster dude, figured out that making the children giggle instead of scaring them provided so much more energy to Monstropolis. BRILLIANT!  Well of course it did.  Think about the energy in a room when you are having a party or celebrating a triumph.  I've got a better one, think about a baby giggling!  It's contagious.  You want more of it right?  YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY GET ENOUGH. 

Let me let you in on a little secret.  An extremely wise person told me a long time ago, "Stop complaining.  NOBODY really wants to hear how you are when they ask.  Say "Great", and move on."  That was harsh.  Somewhere in those lines lies the truth, however.  There are only a select few that want to hear it- and even for them-unless it's a truly tragic situation-not that often.  

Praise starts with us.  It starts inside.  It starts by loving YOU.  We can't LOVE WELL- if we don't love ourselves first.  Lifting others up is an extension of yourself.  Tearing them down is as well.  When you think that you are placing the spotlight on someone elses flaws you are really turning it back on yourself.  Dancing in front of others (may actually be cruel and unusual punishment to those around me) but it shows them that there is joy bursting out of me and I want to share it. Habits are made to be broken.  Find things that you love about YOU, and then look for those in others.  I guarantee that the world will look miraculously more beautiful-you will start dancing too!

Hot Air Balloon-A Date Tuscan Style

I'm terrified of heights.  If I think about something tall- like taller than the heels I put on- I start to sweat- it starts with my feet and ends in my palms.  It's seriously no good- and I wish this weren't such an issue for me.  Years ago I was with my family in Paris they all wanted to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower- there was NO WAY I was doing that.  Paris was very beautiful from the ground- thank you.  What was worse is that my hubby wasn't there so I couldn't send the kids up with him while I waved safely from down below.  I was trying to figure out how to get out of it.  Then my 6 year old grabbed my hand and told me he would take care of me.  I was doomed- I had to go.  That sweet little boy took my hand and held it while my feet made fart noises-I could barely keep my shoes on (due to the copious amounts of sweat being generated).  Here I was among the lovestruck elite, cooing and cuddling-making awful noises from down below-being held up by my 6 year old.  Not one of my finer moments.  Why do you care about this?  (You probably don't.)  I had to get out of my comfort zone because he really wanted to go and I LOVE him so much.  I didn't overcome my fear but I faced it.

The same was true for my guy.  As I've said here time and time again- it's so important to have dates and spice it up by trying new experiences- HAVE FUN.  Occasionally you have to get out of your comfort zone in order to please them- even if it's your biggest fear.  This was so true when my husband turned 40.  Remember what heights do to me?  Yeah, so I surprised him with a trip to Tuscany- one of our favorite places on earth. (I think surprises really help to add spice and romance.) One of the big treats on that trip was a Hot Air Balloon Ride outside of Florence and Sienna.  (I still say this was a true act of love.)  Most of you probably think it sounds amazing...my feet were farting the whole way there-which kind of takes away from the mood I was hoping to create! 

That being said, I got in the basket- and we were off.  Holy crap we were off- there was no taxiing, there was no safety warnings (if there were I wouldn't have heard him anyway-I was sure I was crashing) but we were off- with nothing but a beautiful basket and and a lot of air between the ground and my feet.   And then I saw it.....

I saw this very picture first.

The sun was rising from the low tuscan hills, vibrantly illuminating the morning sky... and my guy was serenely mesmerized.  All of my fear (for about a moment) was gone and all I saw was the pure joy in him-and the marvelous masterpiece created by our Father.  The thing that is my greatest fear gave him such joy (to a certain degree to see me squirm, I'm sure).

We saw Tuscany from a whole different perspective. We even saw one of our favorite walled cities in the distance, San Gimignano!  It was unbelievable.  The abundant beauty was hard not to be in awe of no matter what noises I was making in the basket!  

The thing is we were not only taking in the romantic beauty before (or under-yikes) us-Jon saw me differently too.  I was willing to face my fear to show him love- and he clearly understood it.  I put myself out there (I'm sweating just typing this-that's how bad it is) in order to give him an experience that he could remember forever.  I TREATED HIM- I surprised him (HE HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THE TRIP) and showed him I valued HIM and all that he meant to our family!  They say relatioships are about compromise... I say they are also about surprise-doing things that stretch you and challenge you with your mate-things that express that you put their feelings above your own sometimes.  I got in my one and only hot air balloon that day...and I never need to again (I cared enough to do it once).

Judgement

"If you judge people you have no time to love them."  Mother Theresa.

My heart has had a heavy week and I have found myself continuously thinking about people in my life and judgements that I have passed over the years. (This is not something I'm proud of.)  We all have opinions and standards that we apply in our lives.  Sometimes we have criteria that we absolutely believe in- but we don't always practice them.  In the past I've been tripped up questioning why people in my life weren't living by my standards and didn't share my opinions (how narcissistic is that....seriously).  Much of the time I believe that as loving people our standards and opinions for not only our lives, but those around us come from a place of love.  I truly believe that most people don't intentionally try to pass judgement just to be malicious- but sometime our intentions fail us and how we act is hurtful to others.  

We may not understand how someone is living their life.  We may want better for them.  We may even see more potential in them than they see in themselves.  They may not be able to help it.  You and I don't walk in their shoes.  Their pain could transcend everything that we have 'seen' on the outside.  It could be such a deep rooted corruption in their very being that stopping their behavior, curbing that addiction, quitting their binging, trying to eat (whatever their issue is) probably requires an enormous tool box- and they may only have a screwdriver.  

Before I had kids I had this beautiful friend who had a gorgeous small daughter.  We spent quite a bit of time together.  One time, in particular, the three of us were in the car driving through our cute little town.  About a block from us we saw those shiny golden arches.  They light up the sky!  This sweet girl couldn't pass those arches without wanting to go in every time!  (I mean seriously-those fries are tempting.)  My friend obliged her daughter often because it made her happy.  I remember thinking to myself "my two year old will NEVER know what McDonalds is."  (YOUNG AND DUMB)  Yep-I passed judgment.  GUESS WHAT- my two year olds totally knew what it was.... you know why?  IT OCCASIONALLY KEPT THEM QUIET! (Same reason my beautiful friend introduced it to her darling daughter.)  I was just too narrow minded to think past the fact that I thought it was so bad for her (which it was for my kids too) AND that I could do it better.  (I feel ashamed just typing this.)  I DIDN'T do any better-and guess what we were both doing the best we could at the time.  I was judging my dear friend-without walking in her shoes.  I didn't have kids.  I wasn't a new mom.  I wasn't trying to gain any peace and quiet in my day... I had it.  

The thing is-we may not have the same struggles/or endure similar circumstances as our friends.  We may not understand their battles at all.  Guess what- they probably don't understand ours (we all have them-so let's not pretend we don't).  When we allow our minds to make that judgment call instead of empathetically caring for that person we are doing them and OURSELVES a great disservice.  We all carry our issue suitcase with us.  Some people carry their suitcase's neatly packed, closed tight, locked with their name tag clearly attached.  The presentation is beautiful. Others carry their's with clothes in balled heaps, with the zipper half open- everything falling out for the world to see with each step they take.  The only difference is what it looks like to the outside world.  One looks put together and neatly packaged, while the other looks messy and chaotic.  The 'stuff' inside is still the same.  

Love is not always enough.  Some peoples tool box's are so depleted (because the tools were never in the box to begin with) that they can't fix the simple things things that you and I see as the no brainers.  Most people don't want to self destruct- in fact I'll go out on a limp here- NOBODY wants to self destruct.  The people in our lives that we KNOW or that we know of (big case/little case) that are hurting themselves and in turn hurting all of those around them that care- aren't purposefully trying to cause pain or asking you and I to tell them what's wrong with them.... THEY KNOW.  They don't know how to fix it.  Doing what they've always done is what they KNOW how to do.  Guess what- you and I passing judgement their way- doesn't keep them from going to McDonalds...if I really didn't want my friend to give in to the golden arches I should have packed a turkey sandwich.

What I'm really starting to  believe is that it's easier for us to pass judgement than to do anything.  All I had to do while judging her was ride with her through the drive thru- I didn't have to get the bread out and make the sandwich- or better yet invite them over to have them make it with me.  That would have taken my money, time and effort.  If we aren't willing to put the effort into helping fill up the tool box to fix the problems than we should really be judging the one looking back at us in the mirror instead of the one that only had the screwdriver to begin with.

Impact

If everyday I live life knowing that at the end of the day I can smile at myself in the mirror instead of question my intentions- I think I'll have had an impact.  I used to think that life was about what I got out of it.  I based the value of my life on the value that each experience was to ME.

Clearly that nariasisitc attitude was flawed, but at the time I thought that my feelings were the gauge in which MY LIFE was measured. This sounds like I didn't take into consideration other peoples feelings- I ABSOLUTELY did- but if they hurt my feelings or they broke my heart- my experience was bad- I felt bad- and therefore I wasn't getting what I wanted out of it.  What if LIFE isn't about your feelings at all?  What if it's about your impact on others?  What if your feelings are only as good as the mark you leave on the world?  

I've thought about this a lot lately. In my late teens and twenty's I really got my feeling hurt a lot.  My heart was broken a few times (which at the time you think is the worst pain you will ever feel- unfortunately it's not), a friendship may have hurt my feelings etc.. You get the picture.  I went through life feeling hurt and heartbroken- not angry- just melancholy about a lost relationship.  The problem with that is that I was exactly where I was supposed to be- on the exact path- and that attitude was so me focused that I didn't realize that it didn't matter if this relationship or that relationship hurt me- I (hopefully) had an impact on their future life.  (I mean seriously who can forget this hot mess- I joke.)

What I'm saying is that if we live our life trying to have an impact on others-not focusing on how people make us FEEL but rather WHO THEY ARE- we will have laid our mark on this world.  Once you take the ME out of actions and reactions and behave as you would want to be treated- you touch lives.  You SEE people right where they are- instead of where you want them to be.  You also show others how to live by example, not out of your own resentment.  Life is so short and the older me thinks that if I go through my day thinking about how I can serve others (instead of what I get from them-how they make ME feel) I will be true to who I want be- who I was created to be.  The older me KNOWS that prayer changes my heart- it may not change people- but it changes my view on people based on my hearts desire to love HIM.  When I close my eyes for the last time I pray that I have loved deeply- but also selflessly.  If I was created to give my creator GLORY- then my lungs need to breathe life into HIS people (all people).  My hope is that my impact is about the imprint I've had on others based on my purpose for living.  My dream is to serve others based on my purpose.  My story will be a messy tale about how a maturing (YES I'M GETTING OLD) woman looked in the mirror at the end of the day- always expecting to see that smile.  What do you want your impact to be?

YOUR LIFE HAS PURPOSE.  YOUR STORY IS IMPORTANT.  YOUR DREAMS COUNT.  YOUR LIFE MATTERS.  YOU WERE BORN TO MAKE AN IMPACT.  

Author Unknown

My Box

Sitting on the couch on a snowy day with a warm blanket, oversized sweater, sipping a steaming cup of coffee out of my favorite mug, with my favorite book- probably Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander Series- was my jam!  This was my comfort zone.  It was and still is MY HAPPY PLACE.

I don’t need to be surrounded by people, noise, things (although none of those are bad) I like quiet and romance.  To me, that scenario sounds heavenly (and may only happen once a year).   

When I’m in that moment, at that time, I’m in my box.  That’s where my life was comfortable and fine.   I know it.   Everything inside that box is mine.  The problem is that when I stayed inside that box- I wasn't allowing myself to come out.  Occasionally, that’s just fine- but probably no place to LIVE.

This morning I left my comfort zone.  I left my home in the dark hours, while the house was asleep, to embark on a journey.  I’m stepping out of the box and I’m terrified.  My life is in that box.   I don’t know if I ever thought about it or if I was living a life of complacency but I didn’t know there was life outside of the box.  I didn’t realize that I could even breathe outside of the box. I truly don't know if I even wanted to.

When I opened the box, about a year, ago and started to peek through I found three key things. 

I found Passion.  Before seeing the light outside of my box, I was certainly passionate about my guy, my children , and family and friends beyond them,  but I didn’t realize that there was this crazy passion inside of me that was gurgling…  It was an eruption ready to happen and I didn’t even know it.  What I’ve found is that my passion has given me a platform to listen to and help people and that fills me up so that when I’m back in my box I appreciate it so much more.

I found commitment and strength.  I realized that for years I had lived in my box out of fear.  I would find myself putting one foot into several different things so that I always had the excuse to take it back out- just in case it didn’t work out.  When I committed to my passion I owned it.  I will not take my foot out.  I climbed over the fence and have both feet firmly in.  This is not easy for the girl that just wants her pj’s on and to stay inside her box.

I found me.  I am NOT saying I wasn’t me when I hadn’t found my passion.  I’m not even saying that my comfort zone isn't my haven.  What I am saying is that I found that there is so much more in me that I wasn't  allowing to shine.  There is so much still erupting in me that was not being fueled because I was too afraid to fail-at being me.

We all have it.  We all have passion, strength and commitment.  We all have our inner us that wants to be heard and seen.  We all are destined for greatness but we have to open our box, peek through and allow ourselves to explode.  I took off my pj’s, put on some high heels and left the house this morning- butterflies in my belly, fear dangling in front of me-but molten lava spewing out ready to ignite (imagine that mess)-all knowing that I will happily return to my wide open box preparing those in it to open theirs, as well.

The Hampton Social, Chicago

We were treated to a Day Date this past weekend and oh my goodness was it amazing!  The Hampton Social is like nothing else that I've ever experienced in Chicago.  This upscale, swanky space is full of east coast good vibes .  From the moment we walked in we were greeted by friendly staff and a 'we could be here' all day feel!

Think yacht club meets sweet social setting.  It boasts the traditional white and blue decor that one would expect in, well, The Hamptons.  Comfy couches, floor to ceiling windows that open to the street, and hammocks to chill in. Seriously? How cool is that?

On the particular day that we were there there was a birthday party of middle twenty somethings that were going to Arlington Race Track- but had come to The Hampton Social sporting their cute hats and sipping on fun libations!  It actually helped set the scene for us even more so-which added to the wow factor- and we haven't even gotten to the food yet!!

Uhm hello yummy goodness. This food was outstanding  We were there with our family so we all decided to share.  Being the foodie crowd we are, no one can ever make up their mind, because we all want to try everything- we indulged our senses and did!

We started with the seafood tower.  Packed with jumbo shrimp, crab claws, oysters, tuna tartare... holy shmolly was it delicious.  The mustard sauce was to die for and all of the seafood was so fresh and amazing!!  We then treated ourselves to the Lobster Deviled Eggs- yeah I said Lobster.... they were incredible!!  Creamy-but not too wet- the pieces of Lobster were tender in your mouth- oh my yumminess!

Ok, so those were just a start... We then had the woodfired pizzas.  I'm serious the Mushroom Pizza was one of the best things I've ever had!!  It had roasted mushrooms truffle cream and arugula to give it that added spice... oh my goodness the aroma of the truffles were not even as fabulous as the creamy deliciousness itself. YOU MUST DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND TRY THIS!  We also had the Lobster Pizza- when in Rome... It was spectacular as well!!  Full bites of lobster, potatoes and it also had arugula. Holy deliciousness!

I'm not going to lie- we flat out ate our way through the menu.  Next we had the Montauk Mac and the Mini Crab Cakes.  BEST EVER Lobster Mac I've had.  Lobster Claw, egg noodles, smoked cheddar and swiss chard...seriously I should have gone and sat in the corner- not allowing anyone a bite- I actually may have!!  The Mini Crab Cakes were again, not too wet, but packed with fresh crab. There was a corn relish and lemon aoli on the plate that really finished them off nicely.  SO GOOD!

We love to try different restaurants and we are always looking for new experiences- The Hampton Social nailed it!  If you are looking for amazing food set in a new and different- just plain cool- environment- THIS IS YOUR PLACE!!!  I felt like I was on vacation out east- and that's the point right?  A day date that takes you away for awhile! Truly spectacular.  This is one of those places that will be hard to top. Check them out- you'll be glad you did!

Breathe

This life is crazy and hectic and beautiful and messy and MINE.  You would think at my age I would have it all figured out...But I don't!  Does anyone and should we?  What I do know is that when I don't stop to appreciate life and the precious cargo around me-things blow up like a blender full of fruit with no top on it... (I've done that- not pretty)  One of the things I'm super intentional about is family time; no friends and no activities occasionally.... PERIOD.

The media (they always get a deservedly bad wrap)- and society tries to dictate how we parent, our rolls in relationships, and us in general.  The worst part is that we buy in-we let them tell us how to think, behave, and be!!  We put our 5 year olds on sports teams (this is not necessarily a bad thing) that make them gone 5 nights a week- and then can't figure out why they are crying or tired.  I'm just as guilty as everyone else so I promise I'm not pointing fingers.  Years ago one of my children was in a 'sport' and every week it was the same thing- tears and crying....didn't want to go.  On one particular day I had had it... (think crazy momma unleashed-scary-not really but it makes for good imagery).  I turned around and started basically yelling that I was NOT going to do this anymore. I then asked the question I should have started with....

ME   "Do you want to do this?"  

Child "NO."  

ME  "Then why are you doing this?"   

Child "I thought you wanted me to."

???? Seriously like at that moment, on that day, jumping off a tall building would have sounded like a better option to me (I'm seriously afraid of heights so NO GOOD).  Anyway I turned the car around and we went home-novel concept.  This particular child had no interest in that activity-yet I enrolled them because that's what all kids at that age participated in.  What someone should have asked me is "so how's that working out for you?"

Was I nuts? (if you know me you don't need to answer that..you know the answer)  I know that all kids are different- and different personalities and interests peek at different ages but I'm pretty sure that most kids don't want to be over programmed- they don't need to have dinner every night on the fly because Sally's family down the street never has dinner together- and the coach thinks little Jonny might have talent- he may even start in high school (he's 4).  

We get it in our heads that if we aren't doing with our kids what everyone else and their mother are doing with their kids that somehow our kids won't play pro ball or be president!  INSERT HUGE SIDE MOUTHED QUIRKY FACE!  News Flash... your kid is probably not going to play pro ball and who in the heck would want to be president?  Having dinner with your family every once in awhile may make the difference between them being happy and relational or feeling alone and isolated because their only involvement is other kids their age.  

This is going to completely go against culture but I would rather get a sitter for my kids and go on a date with my husband to preserve our relationship than cart a crying kid around who just wants to be home anyway.  I feel like we have fallen so far away from letting kids be kids that they don't even think it's ok to be anymore.  I'm quite certain that my gun toting boys (toy guns I swear)  that hang out in trees have scared (not really) more than one neighbor- but guess what-they're boys- and given the opportunity boys do boy things!

What I've seen in our family and our friends families is that when we all remove ourselves, occasionally, from the Rat Race of "What activity is your kid doing every night," and just try to be a family, we help to create their haven.  We all must: STOP. LISTEN. BREATHE.  When we do so we allow ourselves to be a family instead of an episode of Crazy Town (have you ever seen that show- kind of creepy).  We give each other time!  There is nothing more valuable than time- they won't be around forever.  I'm certain that I will wish that I had more time with them when they go start their own lives. I'm positive that I'll wish I did some things differently, but I'm even more convinced that I will never regret occasionally taking the time to say no to activities to enjoy some family time.  It's on those evenings we can all breathe and embrace our messy life.

Differences

Be a reflection of what you would like to see in others.  If you want love, give love.  If you want honesty, give honesty.  If you want respect, give respect.  You get in return what you give.  Author Unknown.

When our kids are young we show them love and teach them about love.  We show them, hopefully, that life is a beautiful rainbow- we are all different.  We teach our kids that differences are good and that we just need to be kind. What is beautiful is; what we are teaching them is TRUTH.  Differences are good and should be celebrated not twisted into something ugly.

It must be so confusing for kids when they turn into teenagers and then young adults because all that kumbaya- lets be who you are in the world- gets turned on its head- and you can only be you if you believe what the world believes.

Recently I had an interesting conversation with a dear friend.  It was about sharing ourselves.  Sharing our thoughts and feelings with others even when our opinions contradict what either the world or the other person may think.  I'm confused (not hard to confuse me so maybe this isn't so profound) about when it became a problem to BELIEVE in concrete things.  When did the world change so much that we couldn't say we believe in something with our heart- but that didn't mean we DISLIKE something or someone else?  When did it become ingrained in us that we had to be wishy washy on everything so as not to hurt someone else's feelings? Maybe I don't get your point and you don't get mine- and that's ok! 

Once again I'm raising the flag on this one... (go figure- I have a stash of flags- since I'm always raising them).  We are HUMANS (just in case you forgot).  We absolutely and intrinsically believe in ideas and core values.  WE ALL DO.  People who say they don't are fighting against basic human nature by consciously trying NOT to believe in something.  We have been brain washed and desensitized into thinking that we can't share what they are.  If it doesn't fit in the box (like the evening news) then it's hate speech or hurtful to others.  

I'm here to tell you the real crime isn't in what you or I believe or don't believe.  The real crime is not having the stones to share our beliefs.  How can we be authentically us if we can't or more accurately WON'T even have an opinion on anything?  How can we have REAL relationships if people don't KNOW or say where they stand.  

Listen, BELIEVING in something isn't a bad thing.  Contrary to public opinion I would argue that STANDING UP FOR SOMETHING and OWNING it ensures credibility and character.  Just because what you stand for isn't in accordance with your neighbor or your best friend- that does not mean you dislike them or anyone else for that matter- you have a differing belief or value-PERIOD.  I also believe that being quiet or agreeing with someone just because you don't want to 'rock the boat' or because you think you are honoring that relationship actually has the opposite effect.  

Just a little funny...if you want to be surrounded by differing opinions... try homeschooling amongst friends and family who don't.... (Insert HUGE WIDE EYED FACE!)

Sharing  yourself- your beliefs and values- out of love and deep conviction can only deepen relationships.  If you can't BE you by SHARING you, then WHO are you?  At the end of the day, love, honesty and respect will be magnified and strengthened- and therefore relationships deepened-if you have the courage to Share WHO YOU ARE.  Someone I love dearly a long time ago told me to "be who you are and own it."  Author Unknown-to you.  To me she helped unclip my wings.

Saturday's with Steph-Louis Jadot 2013 Puilly-Fusse

When I was little, my family sat down for dinner every night at 6pm sharp. My brother and I would come home after school every day and play outside until my dad got home from work around 4:30. We lived on a quiet cul-de-sac filled with bikes and kids. In the winters, the parking lot behind our house would plow all of the snow into a monstrous mountain. RJ and I would gear up with our shovels and work all afternoon digging out our famous snow mansions, which included our own rooms, balconies, and of course my purple blow up furniture to top it off. We would work all day on these masterpieces until my mom called us in.  Our runny noses and frozen fingers would just make it for 6 o'clock dinner.  We would hold hands for prayer and share a warm meal as a family.

With three years age difference, RJ and I are the youngest of 5 with a large gap between the older siblings. This caused us to develop an unbreakable bond. When we were finally old enough to ride our bikes to the park alone, my sisters were away in college and my oldest brother was following a band around the country. When we snuck out of the house for the first time together, the other siblings were just past the age of thinking we would be cool for doing so. It took years to find a commonplace and fuse the gap. Eventually there was a sweet spot of time where we all had something to say, the common interests became mutual, and beautiful unique friendships formed between the five of us.

Almost every Sunday, my family gets together for food and wine. Whether it be a new gourmet experiment, or pizza bagels, we all bring something to share and gather around. Without having any strong cultural ties, we all love to cook different cuisines all the time. Food has become our common ground.  What goes better with good food than great wine and the company of loved ones? No matter what happens throughout the week, I look forward to spending Sunday with my tribe.  It feeds the soul and warms the heart.

“Food brings people together on many different levels. It’s nourishment of the soul and body. It is truly love.” Author Unknown

Louis Jadot 2013 Puilly-Fusse

This week my sister and I shared a bottle of 2013 Louis Jadot Puilly-Fusse. This wine is a mouthful of ripe fruit flavors, followed by a fresh crisp finish. One part of the wine is fermented in vats and the other in oak barrels, giving the wine that bright fruitiness with a good structure. I paired it with a sweet maple salmon dish and felt that the crisp finish of the wine balanced out the sweet syrupy fish very well. It’s all about balance! Overall, this french chardonnay is a wonderful addition to any seafood dish and will perfectly compliment your at-home date night. Enjoy!

The yummy salmon recipe:   allrecipes.com/recipe/51283/maple-salmon/

HAWKES WINERY

There are some people you just connect with.  Some people when you walk in the door you know that the vibe and aura are just going to be a part of you.  This is so true of Hawkes Winery.  (You can also check out their wine tasting room in Sonoma, CA.)  Every time we go to Sonoma - HAWKES is a must.. but when we are doing a Date Night at home... we have them- and the many memories they've provided-with us!!

Hawkes Winery was one of the best discoveries we made in all of our wine travels years ago.  Some wineries have killer wine.  Some wineries have spectacular views.  Some a contagious vibe. Many miss the mark on one of these.  Then there is Hawkes Winery...It all makes you want to HOLLA for joy and give God HIGH FIVES!! (The fact that Jimtown Store  is right next door adds to the coolness element.)

Allow me to set the stage for a minute.  First of all Alexander Valley is BEAUTIFUL... Vineyards surround you, the roads wind through them and the air just feels and smells different.  It's wine country and there is no other country quite like it.  On any given afternoon (we always go to Hawkes in the afternoon for one specific reason) when we arrive.... we park next door!!  We love HAWKES but we have to get our Jimtown Store fix first...  Think gourmet deli meets upscale cracker barrel (just because the ladies can shop the eclectic finds- YES PLEASE). Holy utter goodness with a funky old school vibe.  Carrie Brown, the owner will be seen sporting funky black school girl glasses serving wine when the lines get long- and they will because it's a treasured spot!  Imagine (without drooling) juicy pulled pork with buttermilk slaw and spicy mayo on a homemade bun.  Every salavary gland is begging for more. Seriously there is no sharing here it's too good!  Their curried chicken salad is to die for!!  And those are just two- everything here is crazy delicious and down home fun!  One of their best features is that it's right next door to our beloved HAWKES WINERY.

Like I said it's the whole package and personally for me the PEOPLE of Hawkes sell the story and subsequently the wine (kind of a win/win in my book).  If you ever have the pleasure of meeting Stephen or Jake Hawkes you will know right away that not only did you come to an authentic spot- they are just good folk.  

Did I mention they make killer wines-yes please!  We love Hawkes wine because the acidity balance in all of their wines makes them pair beautifully with food!! (Being the silly foodies we are we can't get enough of them.) Let's talk about a few of our favorites (darn it my guy had to open some up on our at home date again- staying home for Hawkes is well worth it!)

Like I said, they make terrific wine, and one of our favorites is their Chardonnay.  The 2013 Home Chardonnay is excellent.  Its filled with crisp pear and white peach.  The stones creek minerality (my hubby's formal description) is aggressive on the nose but completely calms down in your mouth which makes it excellent for a fish dish or a frito mist- it's so balanced and clean.  We enjoyed it thoroughly! 

We just tasted RW 2010 Cabernet- or Red Winery Road Cabernet...This single vineyard Cab is D E L I S H!!  The tannins appear to be a little rougher, which my guy and I appreciate.  The nose is quite nice!!  You get a soft spice that is consistent with the palate feel.  It had hints of anise and tart cherry with a finish of cinnamon and mocha.  OH MY GOODNESS KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF!!  Pair this wine with a simple flank steak, roast beef or even a backyard burger and you are in for a real treat!!! (On a side note this wine could 'lay down' for a long time and just keep getting better!!)

Wine Country is like Gods Country and the Hawkes Family are his people.  They are great folk that care deeply for the quality of wine they produce.  It shows through in every bottle.  These wines have helped us create a lifetime of memories with family and great friends... and we have a life time more that will be... but for now we are going to sit back and enjoy another date night at home sipping on our romantic red- pretending we are taking in the crisp evening air of Sonoma County at Hawkes Winery.

Expectations

I think that being a Cubs Fan (I wear it proudly) has taught me some really good lessons in life.  It has taught me a lot about my own EXPECTATIONS...I'm always elated when they win.  I'm never too disappointed when they loose....This COULD BE their year (no really- it could be)... but there's always Next Year!!  Seriously- If only I could apply that hopeful vibe throughout my life I would be ON IT- and I wouldn't be dissatisfied or place my own unrealistic expectations on any relationship including the one with myself! 

EXPECTATIONS- UGH that word hits me at the core every time.  I walk out in my backyard daily expecting to see a vineyard- I'm disappointed everyday (KIDDING).  Reality check really quickly-think about any of your failed, tumultuous or just difficult relationships.  What is one thing that most, if not all, have in common?  I would bet money (I'm not a gambler, however, so maybe a glass of wine) on the fact that failed EXPECTATIONS rank pretty high up there.

After having a conversation with a very dear friend recently I seriously can't stop thinking about the fact that each relationship in my life that has caused my heart strife or anxiety has a common thread running straight down the middle of it- MY EXPECTATIONS WERE DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THEY WERE CAPABLE OF GIVING OR BEING-IN GENERAL.  Profound?  Probably not but incredibly real!

After some serious self evaluation I would say that most of the time I'm expecting people to behave the way I would in any given situation.... NEWS FLASH... They aren't me- and my seriously imperfect self doesn't live up to my own lofty expectations some times!  WHAT A HOT MESS!  

This couldn't be any truer in marriage!  Think about times when you get upset with your mate.  More times than not in my house its because my expectations weren't met.  He got home an hour later than I thought so we can't have our ever coveted Date Night. (Why can't we have Date Night?  Is there a rule we can't ingest food an hour later- its all in my head.)  Or he got home and he was on the phone so I can't have that conversation (AT THAT VERY MOMENT) that I was dying to have all day.  My own misguided expectations lead to unwarranted disappointment.  It is so hard to admit... but again...those things are all about ME- and what I wanted. That does not account for what his day was like or what he was doing at all... UGH again!

This is also true with our children.  When I think about the times I'm at my wits end with any one of them- it usually is because I was expecting them to be or do what I wanted them to be instead of WHO THEY ARE.  Thought about in these terms- I'm ashamed of myself for not just loving them in those moments for THE EXACT  perfect creations that God stitched together. They are all beautifully made- yet not ALWAYS celebrated because I'm placing unrealistic expectations on them.  The worst part of this is that I believe that sometimes when we want things for our children it doesn't just come from a place of love at all- it comes from a place of pride.  We place false expectations on their grades, sports, theater, whatever based on how we want others to perceive us- not necessarily just for the benefit of our kids themselves.  We want others to know just how amazing our kids are because we think it's a direct reflection on our parenting skills.  I think we've missed our mark.

OUCH- that hits hard.  I do believe that if we are consciously thinking about how we place misguided expectations on our loved ones and all people for that matter we are one step ahead of the game.  Of course not all expectations are bad- each one of us has core standards that we absolutely don't compromise- and that's a good thing.  Life is about choices.  Choosing to LOVE instead of to expect without cause, I believe, will give our hearts freedom to deeply care for others the way they need to be cared for-instead of how we want it to be. If we choose to see every being like the image of a beautiful sunrise we will have decided to love them for the complexity that they were created to be- and that each of us are.The craziest thing about this is that this actually takes the burden of disappointment off of our own hearts and provides us with limitless happiness.

Learn to love without condition. Talk without bad intention.  Give without any reason. And most of all, care for people without any expectation- Author Unknown.

Home

Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself; not what's leftover after you've given your best to everyone else.  Dave Willis

Oh how I used to love getting dressed up and going out to dinner with my guy. Who am I kidding- it's like my favorite thing to do.  Life gets busy, kids get older and sometimes getting out of the house is virtually impossible.  

It's no secret how important I think Date Nights are, however-so sometimes we have to improvise.  Keeping that candle burning bright takes constant effort.  It's so easy to let it dim-truthfully that takes no effort at all and can be the easier, not best, option.  Therefore getting creative is a 'must'.

In our house, my moods, if charted, would directly correlate with the frequency in which I get out with my guy and have a real conversation.  That's me- a big Date Night snob- and quality time is, as I've said before, one of my love languages-so it's a requirement not an option.

So what do we do when we can't get out of the house- besides pout?  I mix it up.  I'm not afraid to break out the china, crystal, or paper plates- kind of a chameleon like that.  (Maybe I'll use them all at the same time.)  Back on track...I believe that it doesn't matter where you go, how expensive it is, or what you are doing- it's the quality time that counts.  Carving out time for them, and them alone, shows them that you value them and your time with them.  I don't care if you've been married for 7 days, 7 years, 17 years or 70 years- I'm here to tell you that the need to be valued and show value to your spouse doesn't go away.

I set the table, light the candles, make a meal, or place carry out on our plates.  (After all who wants to cook on date night?)  We 'pretend' (or maybe we don't) that we are out to dinner. (THE KIDS ARE NOT ALLOWED DOWNSTAIRS-there may or may not be threats involved.)  Doing things like this creates a tone.  First of all one of romance, but secondly (and equally as important) it tells your spouse that you appreciate the quality time that you get with them and you will protect and create it at all costs.

At the end of the proverbial day, it doesn't matter what you do or where you are (grocery shopping could still be considered a sort of date-but don't tell my guy that) what matters is the quality time spent with your mate.  Yes, I love to get dressed up and go out to dinner, but circumstances dictate otherwise sometimes- so I get dressed up and we stay home.  It's where the heart is-so I've been told-and it can be just as fun and romantic as a night out on the town- even more so actually (WINK WINK).

My Human

In this life we meet all kinds of different people.  Some walk into our lives, some walk out of our lives....some make an imprint and others just a brush stroke.  All add value...even if it's negative value.. it's value.  What I've learned over the years is you never know when you may end up being someone else's human-so you should always try.

A quick story... I believe in authenticity.  Who's going to tell you they don't?  The problem is people don't always follow through.  Sadly,  I've been guilty of this many times over.  When I was a child my parents got divorced.  I know that many people have become desensitized to divorce but when you're in it- it's utterly painful.  Not only that but it changes EVERYTHING. (Even when you think that you may want them to-at some point you end up wishing they didn't.)  During this time (as the child instead of the participants) you feel rather alone- you are forced into circumstances that were not of your choosing at all.  For me, I was 11 when the process started (that's just a stinky time anyway). Not only was my world around me crumbling but I was moved from the only school I had ever known to a new one where I had to make new friends (that's a big deal in and of itself). 

In this time, however, an unexpected someone made me feel special.  She and her husband were friends of my mom and dads.  She was obviously older than me.  She didn't have any kids of her own (YET).  She didn't have to befriend ME, BUT SHE DID.  (I could offer her NOTHING but a sad, awkward girl.) SHE WAS PRESENT.  She had me over after school.  She made May Day baskets with me.  SHE TALKED TO ME.  She invested her time in ME.....because she cared.  She was authentic.  She WAS that person that when the going got tough for the people around her.... SHE DIDN'T DISAPPEAR.  With open arms SHE WAS ENGAGED- embracing ME-and essentially my parents because they were new at navigating those waters as well.  

She taught me that when I say to people "Can I do anything for you," or "I'm here for you," or "I'm praying for you,"   I MEAN IT-I'M INTENTIONAL ABOUT IT- because someone meant it for me.  She was my human.  Although I have told her, sometimes I don't think she even realizes what she meant/means to me-because she was just being her authentic selfless self.  Her example, however, is a lesson to all of us.  It's not easy getting in the trenches, getting REAL,  and being there for someone whether it be good times or bad... but you never know what that person is walking through (OR IN- FOR THAT MATTER).  You never know if you are going to be that person that imprinted on someone so deeply that they just want to be to others what you were to them.  You never know if taking the time to listen to what someone says and investing in their life will make all the difference in the world to them.  You never know if you will be THEIR HUMAN.  I want to live to be someones HUMAN- just like she was to me.  Her authenticity in a really difficult time made me understand that saying you love someone means far less than showing them you love them by walking through the valley holding their hand.  YOU ARE THIER HUMAN.

Sataurday's With Steph-2011 Sada “Baldoro" IGT Toscana

One of the best decisions I have ever made for myself (if not THE best) was to spend a semester of college traveling Europe. I had discussed the idea with my family in passing but it never struck me as a real possibility. At the time I was in a bad relationship, lacking confidence, and just feeling very stuck in a negative place. If you are, or have ever been a 20 something year old woman, you know this is not an uncommon feeling. It took a huge push from my family to leave my “comfort zone” and take the plunge. I agreed to the trip less than a month before leaving, so the weeks leading up were filled with chaos trying to get everything ready (typical Stephanie fashion). It didn’t hit me until I actually got on the plane that 1. I was going to live in Rome for 3+ months not knowing anything about the city.. and 2. I was going ALONE, not knowing a single soul.

The thought of traveling alone can be seriously scary! However, it is truly the BEST way to find appreciation for the world, for the beautiful people in it, and for yourself. To be completely lost in a foreign land forces you to become aware of how much beauty is right in front of you. It also forces you to trust yourself and literally follow your heart.  After the first couple weeks in Rome, I finally looked up from my map and fell in love.. with EVERYTHING. I learned to put my phone down, be vulnerable, and fully embrace new experiences and relationships. In turn, I gained some of the most pure and real friendships and memories thus far. If you can do one thing for yourself, travel without a plan. Get rid of your safety net, whether it be a schedule, a cell phone, or a group of people. Take a risk on YOU. Trust in yourself, broaden your horizons and add some color to your beautiful canvas.

Alright let’s talk WINE!

One of my favorite things to do on weeknights in Rome was walk down the inner streets and stop at random restaurants and cafes along the way. I typically started the day with a warm, buttery pastry and cappuccino and ended it with a glass of table wine (or 3) and fresh pasta. There is a hierarchy of Italian wines, classified by the particular area of which it is from and specific restrictions in said areas. The categories range from Vini, which is basic table wine, to Vini DOP, or wines with Protected Designation of Origin.

2011 Sada “Baldoro"  IGT Toscana

This week I decided to feature an Italian IGT (Wines with Protected Geographical Indication). IGT is one step above a basic table wine. This particular wine is a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Montepulciano, and Alicante. With very fruity aromas, I tasted a lot of cherry and juicy black berry flavors, followed by a lingering spicy finish. I suggest opening this bottle and letting it sit for about an hour before drinking. The longer I let this wine sit and open up, the more I loved it. It softened on the palate and that black pepper spice was able to shine through with time. Whether you drink it with some homemade italian cuisine, or bring it to your favorite BYOB restaurant, this is a great pairing for any traditional italian meal.  Ciao!

Perspective

Isn't it crazy that each person we know brings with them different experiences, feelings and personalities that contribute to their/ our entire perspective on life.  No two people are exactly same- that's incredibly beautiful (and terrifying)!!  What is even more perplexing to me is that more times that not the mate-and at least one of our kids (if you have multiple)  tends to be on the other side of the spectrum from us!  YIKES!

3:59AM- what do you think about?  For whatever reason that's the time I wake up EVERY morning and instead of being bummed- I'm elated that I slept through the night!  My husband on the other hand would be completely bummed that it was 3:59AM.  Our perspectives on life- how we look at everything tends to be totally different.

What's worse is that all of those qualities that are so different than mine are what attracted me to my guy in the beginning.  He was fun, funny, spontaneous, exciting, and of course brilliant.  ALL THINGS I'M NOT!!  Before you get the idea that I'm going to negative town... (I was thinking about it- kidding)-THESE ARE ALL THINGS I STILL LOVE ABOUT HIM TODAY.  One of my children is EXACTLY like him and I could eat him up (not literally) because I see his younger dad in him- it's beautiful.  My guess is that you're pretty similar.... things that you aren't your spouse is and vice versa.  

(Where's the BUT in all this?)  Well just because I love these things doesn't mean I always understand them fully!!  I'm not him and he's certainly not me (my gypsy, smiley self annoys the crud out of him at times).  I know that this is human nature but I'm concerned and have witnessed that what draws people to each other can also pull them apart.  Like I said, most of us are drawn to what we are not.  

If you think about the things you argue about- if you really get to the root of the problem- a lot of it boils down to them being them, you being you, and neither one understanding each others perspective!  Even though I know this I'm GUILTY AS CHARGED. 

In life we are bound to hit hard times.  Nobody wants them.  Nobody wishes for them.  They are very hard to plan for.... but they will come.  A lot of the times the biggest problem isn't the challenges you are facing.. it's that you both deal with things differently.  Leaning in and trying to think from your mates perspective at these challenging and overwhelming moments can make all the difference in the world.  Truthfully it's one of the HARDEST things to do but it's necessary in the turbulent times. 

At the end of the day you and your mate were yolked together for a reason.  So when crud happens-who in the world would you rather get through it with?  Listening to their perspective and setting aside your own pride can make all the difference in the world (and praying a ton).  When life hands you lemons squeeze hard on your mates hand, make some kick butt lemonade and go on a date to remove the ugliness of whatever reality you're in. Reconnect and recommit to each other each day and you can surely weather any storm!